....will it go away? Today is just one of those days when everything hits me all at once: The stress of our situation and uncertainty of what is to come, the worries of money and how we will survive, and the feeling disconnected from the world. Day in and day out, I try to look at the bright side and hope and pray for the best. I do research to affirm where we stand and the likliness of a good outcome. I have thrown everything I have into finding ways to make and save money, telling myself it will make a difference. I never stop racking my brain. However, I never seem to shake the feeling of being disconnected from the world. My only social outlet is work, and being that, is limited. I seem to have very little in common with the people who are easily accessible to me outside of my family, and very little time for those with which I can relate. I crave something creative...to paint, photograph, write, but by the end of the night, when I alot my self some time, I am too mentally tired to do anything but loose myself in a decent T.V. program. Those few times when I do get some "me" time, I feel I need to use the time for the benefit of my family. Is this the life of a working mommy and wife? If I ignore the feelings, will they go away?
It is no secret if you know me at all, I am a working mom. I work full time. I leave my house at 6AM and barely make it home by 6PM, Monday through Friday. And then I work overtime some nights and weekends...like today. I am spending my Sunday working overtime. And then I also do photography on the side to make extra money. And I am active in my church's childrens ministry. It gets to be alot. Our lives are very hectic and sometimes I wonder if it's worth it. Are my priorities right? I believe my work is important. I believe my work is necessary for my families survival. Sometimes my work is needed for my sanity. Even with a crazy work enviorment, sometimes it is mental break I need to function at home. However, as my children get older, the more I realize that I am missing thier lives. I've daydreamed about becoming a stay at home mom, but let me tell you, the numbers don't work. Even if we gave up all the ammenities...
I know the feeling of wanting to do something creative and not having time. Think of it this way- Everyone says, "Enjoy these years, because they go so fast!" If that's true, you'll be painting and photographing and writing before you know it! :)
ReplyDeleteHope things get better for you soon.
I completely relate. I crave time with my friends and I crave time to do things I enjoy - but by the time I'm finished with work and taking care of my family, I'm beyond exhausted. Weekends could be used more effectively, but to be honest all I want to do on the weekends is curl up into a little ball and sleep. I just wish I had a solution . . .
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