....will it go away? Today is just one of those days when everything hits me all at once: The stress of our situation and uncertainty of what is to come, the worries of money and how we will survive, and the feeling disconnected from the world. Day in and day out, I try to look at the bright side and hope and pray for the best. I do research to affirm where we stand and the likliness of a good outcome. I have thrown everything I have into finding ways to make and save money, telling myself it will make a difference. I never stop racking my brain. However, I never seem to shake the feeling of being disconnected from the world. My only social outlet is work, and being that, is limited. I seem to have very little in common with the people who are easily accessible to me outside of my family, and very little time for those with which I can relate. I crave something creative...to paint, photograph, write, but by the end of the night, when I alot my self some time, I am too mentally tired to do anything but loose myself in a decent T.V. program. Those few times when I do get some "me" time, I feel I need to use the time for the benefit of my family. Is this the life of a working mommy and wife? If I ignore the feelings, will they go away?
WARNING: YOU MAY NOT WANT TO READ THIS POST WHILE EATING... My daughter has been sick since Thursday, running a high fever. Luckily its just an ear infection and not the flu. However early Sunday morning (and I stress Early, well before 8AM) my dogs started barking and woke Shiloh up. Since I was not ready to get up, and she didn't look like she was ready to face the world either, I took her into my room and laid back down with her. I was in a light doze, and she seemed to go in and out of dozing with some wiggling in between. After one wiggling bout, she started whining and I opened my eyes just wide enough to see her holding her hand in the air. Now at 19 months old, we are heavily following the "I hurt it, so mommy kisses it and its all better" philosophy. I naturally assumed the hand or finger had been pinched, rolled on, or otherwise "hurt" and needed a mommy kiss so we could both go back to sleep. I kissed it, and that is when I realized...THERE WAS ...
I know the feeling of wanting to do something creative and not having time. Think of it this way- Everyone says, "Enjoy these years, because they go so fast!" If that's true, you'll be painting and photographing and writing before you know it! :)
ReplyDeleteHope things get better for you soon.
I completely relate. I crave time with my friends and I crave time to do things I enjoy - but by the time I'm finished with work and taking care of my family, I'm beyond exhausted. Weekends could be used more effectively, but to be honest all I want to do on the weekends is curl up into a little ball and sleep. I just wish I had a solution . . .
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